Saying it like it was…

This is the hardest thing I have ever done and at the same time the most liberating. It must be done. It is going to set me free, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. To that some say, most families are and you just need to accept that. I can accept that. However, I cannot and will not accept that as an excuse to carry on with the dysfunction. Let me elaborate on this…

I lost my mother when I was 5 and half and shit hit the fan, at least for me. I was taken in by extended family. I didn’t know how long for. I don’t think anyone did. It was an act of great generosity and kindness on their part for which I am eternally grateful. However, there was abuse of all sorts – by a number of them. They sucked all my self esteem and self worth right out of me, slowly, one mean and selfish act at a time. And it went on and on until I moved out of home at the age of 18.

In saying all of that, I am eternally grateful for everything that happened. Somehow life had it that they were the ones to get me out of India and bring me to New Zealand with them at the age of 16. For that, I cannot thank them enough. I had wanted freedom from the trauma and the drama that had lasted good 10+ years of my life and eventually I got it and the healing only just began.

Now, going back to acceptance of the dysfunction… It has to stop. It is time that the victims got their voice back and say NO. And choose differently. When I say this I don’t mean to say, “let’s spend the rest of our lives complaining about what happened”. What I do mean is this: Acknowledge what happened, say it out loud if you have to (you really do have to), say it like it was and then, let it go. Make space for your deepest desires. This process can take years but forgiveness happens and healing does occur. And some major lessons and insights will come out of the process. Here are some for me:

  • You can be grateful and at the same time be honest for what wasn’t okay.
  • Being grateful does not equate to eternal obligation.
  • Everyone is equal. My feelings matter just as much as someone else’s.
  • Forgiveness does not mean you have to keep the culprits in your life.
  • Forgiveness does give you peace and freedom. It creates space for your heart’s true desires.
  • You are not limited to the family you were born into. You get to create your own – on your terms. Know what you really want.
  • Truth sets you free.
  • And truth will always find the light no matter how hard one tries to keep it in the dark

 

It’s time to be free. It’s time to close the old book and burn it. It’s time for not just a new chapter – but a whole new book and a whole new ME: One who is free from the shame and guilt. One who is full of joy and shines bright.

 

Bring it on Universe, I am ready to play!

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