I want my life to change but…


IMG_7697So often  people want changes in their life but they don’t want to change themselves. They want the new job, the partner, more money, more happiness, joy… and they go on to tell you why they don’t have those things they want. I had someone tell me they would have to win the lotto for them to move to a new city they really wanted to. Another lovely being told me that they really wanted a new partner but couldn’t let go of the one who is currently giving them grief.

I have been there myself, more than once.  Before I moved to Sydney from New Zealand, I wanted my life to change but nothing was happening. I wasn’t doing anything different, I was expecting something on the outside to change first so I could finally believe that my life can change. Eventually, the pain of the “same shit, different day” became too much to handle and courage said, “Its time for you to change”.

Marianne Williamson’s opening of her Everyday Grace lecture, “If I want my life to change, I have to change. If we want our world to change, we have to change” finally sank in and I got it at a visceral level. I gave up the excuses and within a month, I was in Sydney. T0 give another example, I wanted a partner while I was committed to the belief that no one would ever love me. The day I finally accepted that I am worthy of love, I went on a date that turned into a loving, fulfilling, joyous and expansive relationship.

So what’s one gotta do to change their life? After all, if you do the same thing you have always done, you will get the same result you have always got. In a nutshell:

Start by changing yourself – one thought at a time.

Simple isn’t it? Hard to do. All sorts of resistance comes up. All the doubts about your worthiness surface. The voice in the head turns against you and usually has this classic question to chip away at your self worth, “who do you think you are?”. Underneath all the doubts and the resistance, what’s really happening is the undeniable commitment to the old story and beliefs that no longer serve you.

There is a lot of talk about the ‘limiting’ beliefs these days. In my humble opinion and experience, at some point in our life when we first took them on board, they weren’t so limiting. They probably protected us in some ways, at least according to the part of us that took them aboard and decided to live by them. As we grow older, they become limiting to our growth and dreams. Some part of wants to change and some part of keeps change from happening in order to keep us safe.

At some point, the integration of those conflicting parts needs to occur for one to embrace changes fully in their life. One needs to file divorce and part ways from the old story. The ties to the old story and the old beliefs must be severed. By the way, your reality is your old story, its a result of your past thoughts and beliefs. The commitment to the old story must be broken and give up focussing on reality for a while. How does one do that? Let me pose this question by Dr Joe Dispenza for it all to sink in:

“Is your vision of your future stronger than the addiction to your past?”

  • You must focus on your vision – everyday
  • Quit giving any airtime to the old story. Just quit it
  • Talk about your dreams and desires more and more (to those who are supportive of you. Not everyone needs to know, especially those who may try and bring you back to reality/old story)
  • Meditate – with the intention to find harmony within yourself. Bring the parts with different agendas to common ground – happiness and safety of the whole being.
  • Make lists of changes you are seeking and act as if they have happened already
  • Become the person you want to be – one step at a time, everyday.

And I will leave with the same question again for it to really sink in –

“Is your vision of your future stronger than the addiction to your past?”

When the answer becomes a solid YES – your life will change because you finally will 🙂




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