In a world we are constantly bombarded with messages about who we “should” be… being yourself can be a really tough gig. Or it can be easy – if you really know who you are. And this gets even harder when you are going through some serious life changes. So how do we navigate through life changes and become more and more of who we truly are along the ride?
For example, your relationship ends, everyone you know is there to dish out advice that you haven’t really asked for. They ask, “What are you going to do? Can’t you go back and make it work?”. Those well meaning friends present every worse case scenario to you with the belief that they are somehow helping. They sincerely do believe that they are helping, its just that they are addicted to seeing the negative in every situation. Thats most of us, I have been there and done that. Our brains are hard wired to look for the worst case scenarios.
This is how it usually goes: some negative event happens (the end of a relationship, losing a job, not having enough money etc), our brain automatically goes searching for similar situations that may have happened in the past and then predicts the future outcome (of this current situation) based on a previous life event. Useful? Only if you handled the previous life event in a graceful manner that led to positive outcomes. However, if there is a repeat pattern, then it could be handled better this time around so you can learn from it otherwise it won’t be happening. That’s life teaching us and it will keep giving us the same shit in different forms/place/people unless we get the lesson. Stay open and listen closely, you will be guided.
And usually what’s the response when something goes “wrong” according to our brains. It’s “oh shit! not again!”. The very fact that it has happened before, you need to ask a better question: What do I need to learn here? What is the opportunity for growth that has presented itself in this situation? It is always there. Sometimes we need to get quiet to recognise it but it is always there. Trust me, I used to have the “oh shit, not again’ response more often than not. And that response has caused a lot of pain. And now I know better, and the lessons are easier to identify. And then navigating the change becomes more graceful. Not saying that there are no tears or sadness or grief, you find ways to feel all of that and then smile at the end of it all. There is joy waiting silently.
And going back to those well meaning friends… They are there. You just need to recognise the ones who are truly there for you. They are usually the listeners, really good listeners and they just ask a really simple question that is worth millions and that is: “What can I do to help? Can I help in anyway?” Those are the keepers. They truly mean well, keep them close. I don’t have any of those friends I hear you say. Get quiet and ask the Universe to send you one or more of those people. Just be clear on what you desire and Universe will find ways to deliver. I have always managed to find the right people to help me through out my life. They come out of nowhere and sometimes they are right in front of you but you just hadn’t recognised them. Keep your heart open. Have clear boundaries and say good bye to the naysayers, you don’t need them. You are better off alone, trust me.
And now that you are alone, you will find a piece of yourself that you hadn’t met before. What a blessing that is – to get to know who you really are. And with every life challenge/change, it is teaching you to find the courage to be more of who you really are. Some tips on how to find the courage to be who you really are:
- remove judgments that you have placed on yourself and others. Practice compassion instead. Make self compassion a best practice.
- go easy on yourself, really go easy on yourself.
- do something that brings you joy – bring your power to feel good back to you instead of expecting it from an external source/event.
- meditate (or listen to music and give the brain a break from brainstorming negative shit).
- Exercise – get out of your head and back into your body. Your body is much wiser and it knows before the brain does.
- do more of what you enjoy, find the simple things that bring pleasure to your heart.
- laugh more – find ways to humour yourself, even if its just you laughing by yourself, still you are laughing and that’s a win.
- speak up for yourself and for others if need be – take a stand for what you believe in.
- write about your best possible self – how you want your life to be without the need to find ways to fix it as it is now.
Life can be so much easier to navigate when we know who we really are. Then we have all the power we need to make are dreams a reality. I will leave you with one of my all time favourite quotes by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us.”
Find your light. That’s what life is teaching you. Go on then, I see your light…it’s time you recognise it too.