No mud, No Lotus.

If you haven’t figured this out already… I love to psycho-analyse the shit out of everything.  This one’s going to be about a few big aha moments I have had lately. Here goes:

  • If you read one of my previous blogs – https://vineetajakhar.com/2018/06/09/dealing-with-daddy-issues/  I have reached a new level of understanding and acceptance. I am so grateful for my father deciding to have me stay with my aunt, because my life would have been completely different than what it is now. He knew that he couldn’t really be there for me and that I deserved better. Thanks Dad! Love you. The anger that I had felt towards him is now dissipated and replaced with so much love and gratitude. And same goes for the other men, thank you for not choosing me because I deserve so much better and you wouldn’t have been able to deliver. Thank you Thank you! Thank you!!!
  • Re-visiting On self-sabotage…  So I had talked about the shadow side and the beachballs we are trying to keep under water. That was last week for me and on Friday, I drank and lost all control. I turned into an absolutely crazy person and took it out on someone I usually have a lot of love for. I was a bitch. Now, sometimes she has got to come out. The Bitch has kept me safe at times and taught me how to stand for myself. And this time, she helped me get my power back. Thank God! So yes, everyday, it’s a conscious choice that I make between the bitch and the nice spiritual person I mostly am. And I am going to make friends with the bitch in me, I need her in my life. I can see the blessings she brings and I am grateful for her presence.
  • Being grateful and positive. So I drank a little too much red wine and it all came out on the carpet (I am considering switching to white wine to avoid the red stains, would be easier to clean). Which is fine, I can clean it. However, what I am really grateful for is that I didn’t eat much that day, so everything came out was just liquid and its evaporated! Can you imagine the horror of cleaning bits of food in the mix. Thank God, I didn’t have much to eat that day. Cleaning was so easy, no bad smells, none of that shit. I had told this to a friend and his response – “Only you could find something positive in cleaning up vomit”. Lol! That’s the point, I choose to focus on the good stuff. And every time I look at the stains, it reminds me that I have got my power back. What’s not to be grateful for?

 

In some of my previous blogs, I have somewhat complained about having to go through so many challenges and I am getting tired … blah blah blah (cry me a river Vineeta)… (at least I have thought that way… “Why me?” –  such a Gen Y thing to say). I have four words for myself – “No Mud, No Lotus”. Just that simple, my girl. Yes, I talk to myself. Lotuses need mud to rise out of, there will be no lotus if it wasn’t for the mud. I am grateful for the mud in my life. Now I bloom.

A note on power – sometimes, we must lose it before we can know how to recognise it and use it wisely. So for all those events that took away my power in my early life, I have learned to call my power back to me.

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Dear Life,

I am ready for a new start. And this time, I am well prepared and powerful.

Bring it on!

Yours Truly,

Vineeta Jakhar

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