Returning to wholeness…

Often times, we confuse “what happened to us” with “who we are”. For a long time, I identified as being someone who had gone through some serious traumas fairly early in her childhood that continued in her teenage years – that made her believe she was inherently broken. To anyone, looking from outside, to them she was strong. They could see that she got herself out of the unhealthy environment she was in and never looked back – got on with her life and never settled for less. Whatever she wanted, she got. Respect was guaranteed and what she wanted was guaranteed. They could feel her quiet confidence that she carried herself with – One would think that she knew who she was.

Did she though? She had doubts crowding her mind more often than not… Could she have what she wants? Has she fixed herself enough? Has she proved herself to be worthy? Has she struggled enough? Then there were fears of being seen, heard, valued, loved… It was clear what her mind was identifying with – the illusions and false beliefs to stay small and safe (at least in mind’s ways)…

And yet, there was always something underneath those fears that guided her throughout her life. She always knew that something much greater than herself was taking care of her. It was that faith in something greater that carried her through and got her to safety and a life that would be considered a dream by millions. Even she is aware that she is living her dreams and for that she is eternally grateful.

She knows wonderful things are around the corner, yet some part of her wants to hold on tightly to the old stories and illusions, for if she let them go, who would she be?

Simple – She would be whoever she wants to be – free to love and be loved. Free to share more of her with those who are a match to her. Free to be seen, heard, loved…

Let me backtrack a bit… Something greater than herself – what is that? That is her connection to God – The I AM mentioned in the Scriptures. She has always had that available to her with in her – its not to be found in any idol, any guru,. any coach… Only within her – and this is true for every single person – no exceptions. She carries the light that she has been seeking within her.

Then what’s stopping her from letting go of the old stories – its the over-identification with illusions of the mind, everything that is not love or truth. Mind has believed itself to be those illusions…Over identification with the trauma and not identifying herself with her connection to I AM within her in form of the self blame for the trauma, yet not giving herself the credit for being strong and courageous to get herself out.

So far, it has been a very disconnected life/identity – two parts (the faithful and the fearful) of her battling it out day in and day out…yet neither gets what they want.

A new approach – a return to wholeness.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was too painful than the risk it took to blossom”

Anais Nin

Bringing all of her together – all in one place – in the here and NOW. There is no resistance to anything, only acceptance of all that is. Accepting that all of the above is her – not some parts – all of it – the faithful one, the fearful one, the doubts, the trust, the insecurities, the confidence, the lack, the abundance, the trauma, the healing. All of it – the entire spectrum, not one end or the other. Embracing my wholeness which is all love.

Mustering up the courage to let go and finally surrender to the wholeness.

Fear says, “What if I fall?” (let go of the illusions)

God says, “But oh my darling, what if you fly?”

Fear says, “Then what will I hold onto?”

God says, “Hold on to the truth – to the I AM/Love with in you”

And God also says, “Love is guaranteed. Truth is guaranteed. Who you want to be – you already are. In fact, love is what you are”

Accepting the end wills the means –

Neville Goddard

When you hold onto the truth, success/love (whatever that means to you) is guaranteed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s